


Nightmare Frontier

by Therabis



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Comfort Sex, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Rhys POV, Smut, feysand
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-04-14
Packaged: 2018-10-18 16:03:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10620336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Therabis/pseuds/Therabis
Summary: When your world breaks down, when your dreams give out.When the stars go blind and the darkness floods your eyes.I will carry you.Warning: read the tags please. Suggestion of rape/noncon.





	

Three feelings had become familiar to me since under the mountain: the initial seizure upon waking from another nightmare, the bolt of pure terror that would strike without warning right after, the panic as my heart would pound like war drums through my aching ribs. Three feelings that filled me simultaneously with trepidation and self-loathing. Three feelings that made the strongest High Lord Prythian has ever seen crumble into dust - left to scatter in the dying wind.

I awoke with a start to this familiar panic; darkness and claws erupting on instinct. My alarm quickly subsided as I realized my body wasn’t giving out it’s normal reactions. My heart then tore in two when I felt another pulse of terror, but it was coming from the other side of the bond - crushing Feyre with it’s ferocity. I sat up and raced to find her body next to mine; pulling her shaking and damp form into my lap. Shouting her name both aloud and through the bond. Needing to draw her out of the horrors roiling inside her head. I knew only too well what awaited her upon escape.

She was crying when she finally gasped into awareness and stilled in my arms. I murmured her name as I lay my forehead against hers and she calmed. Her grey eyes held mine while I smoothed my hands over her back in gentle strokes - trying to keep her grounded. My fingers traced over three long, jagged scars that refused to heal.

Her unshielded thoughts stabbed into me then and I couldn’t look away. Not even if I had wanted to. Glimpses of her time back in the Spring Court flashed and twisted before me. Her time as our spy. The guilt was overwhelming as I beheld a scene showing Tamlin’s roar of rage in their bedroom. She had denied him yet again and had asked him to leave her in privacy. When she turned her back on him he transformed into a beast, slashed his claws into her back and took her anyway. _No_. Her screams and pain tore me to ribbons.

_Not my mate. Not my mate._

Her thoughts destroyed what was left of me.

Her pain transformed into pure, unadulterated rage as she fought him. _Stop_. Twisting and breaking his grip as she slashed into his face with claws of darkness. _Kill_ _him_. Twisting and tearing into him. She shifted using his own power into the form of the wolf she had killed that fateful night. _Rip HIM_. She tore into his throat. _KILL. GONNA KILL_. The anger and hate twisting and ravaging her form further. _KILL HIM._

_K I L L      K   I   L   L_

The scene faded and I forgot how to breathe. I knew what transpired this dream - this night. It’s what had driven Feyre into relinquishing her disguise. His betrayal and greed had swept away what little control she had gained on her growing powers. She obliterated that disgusting manor and all of Tamlin’s corrupted Court in an eruption of power that was felt far across the borders of Spring. The after effects were still echoing across Prythian and the other Courts now feared her as much as me. Terrible and wonderful as her display had been. My pride for her warred constantly with the reasoning behind the explosion.

I had been in a meeting with Cassian when Feyre’s pain and power had hit me like a sledgehammer. I saw through her eyes what Tamlin had done, was doing. I almost lost my own control right then and there as my glamour failed and her rage mixed with mine. I still remember the look of fear on Cassian’s face as I flared my wings and winnowed out to her immediately.

What I found was a smoking crater that stretched for miles. A hurricane was still slowly grinding away in the sky. Lighting, wind, and rain pouring in torrents. The forests nearby had been blown outward. Feyre was in the center of it all - still in the form of a gigantic, black wolf. Shivering. Cloaked in darkness and fire - power radiating off her in droves. I walked up to her unafraid, my heart in my throat. She was taller than me and dipped her head as I got close enough to touch. She whined at me and I wrapped her muzzled face into my arms.

I believe it was my scent that caused her to calm enough to transform back before she fainted and collapsed into me. Mor winnowed in at that point and stood shell shocked as she beheld the surrounding carnage. She tried to take Feyre from my arms but I refused. I was nearing the brink of shifting into my own beast as I searched desperately for him. Needing to kill him if she hadn’t finished the job.

Tamlin was lying impaled in the debris. Three stakes going through him at various angles, and his throat was a grisly sight. I decided I wanted him to suffer like that instead of offering death as a relief. We left him dying in the rubble, but I found out later that ‘of course’ he survived. When Tarquin and the other High Lords refused him aid due to his betrayal with Hybern, he went off into the forests of the neutral territory. No one had seen him since and Lucien was now busy rebuilding what was left of the Spring Court.

The memories faded and Feyre’s shields snapped shut. But that’s when I felt the tremors. They started small, just the tips of her fingers which she clenched into hard fists. Then they roamed up her arms until her whole frame was caught up in the terror. Despite the shield, I caught glimpses of faces in her mind. Servants, guards, courtiers. She had unintentionally killed innocents with her release of power and her guilt was as all consuming as it had been when she had slain those two Fae to save Tamlin.

She cried out and clenched her eyes as the panic hit her in a crushing blow and I couldn't breathe again. Couldn’t think…as that fear rushed down the bond and the familiarity brought up every repressed memory. Every nightmare where I woke up naked and cold and next to a body that was repulsive and cruel. Memories of the terrible, unforgivable things she had made me do in her name.

I had made it through those dark days though. Now I had my light. My lover. My friend and shelter through the darkest nights. And I would not let her go down this path alone.

“Feyre, look at me.” I murmured. _Look at me._ Slowly she turned her head and brought her eyes back to mine. She was biting her lip to keep the sobs back and it broke my heart. “I’m right here darling. You’re fine. You have nothing to be afraid of.” It was such a ridiculous thing to say, we both knew that the fear was intangible and unescapable. And yet the words needed to be said.

“It hurts.” I wasn’t expecting an answer and for a moment I was too surprised to reply. “Here.” she whispered and surprised me further by taking my hand and pressing it to her chest. Her heart hammered against her thin frame, and yet it still felt like a soft bird’s wings fluttering under my palm. _It hurts so much_. Her whisper in my head was so quiet that a simple breeze could have drowned it out. Tears spilled down her cheeks and my throat was tight. I didn’t know what to say. I could feel my heart beating, throbbing, aching in time with hers.

Her legs tightened around my waist and I brought my wings over us - shrouding her with the darkness that soothes. Her eyes closed again and she whispered, “Make it go away, Rhys.” She sounded so young and I was cruelly reminded that she _was_ young. Indeed, barley twenty years old. A droplet in the vast ocean compared to my own age and experiences. She whimpered again and my body acted instinctually. She had asked me once to be a distraction. Back before our love had truly blossomed. I knew she hadn’t meant it like that, but I wanted to be that for her now. To bring her back from despair when words alone wouldn’t,  _couldn’t_  ever be enough.

I nuzzled into her hair as I stroked her, trying to calm her down. I gently lowered her against the sheets and her trembling ceased when I kissed her, tasting salty tears. Feyre’s cries softened and stopped, and eventually she kissed me back. The scent of her arousal hit me and I grew hard; her body responding to my touch and the warm thoughts I sent her. She gasped as I buried deep inside her. The bond between us glowing bright. Driving the dark and fearful thoughts away.

_Don’t stop._ It was a ragged, breath of a thought, but it was all that I needed.

I began to thrust in and out, going as slow as I could bear and I could hear her murmuring under her breath. Her hand came up from my side to curl around my neck and I kissed her throat. My hips rolled faster and harder. She was whispering, half to herself, a constant chorus through her moans. _Don’t stop Don’t stop Don’t stop_.

I snaked a hand between us and rubbed her as her fingers tangled in my hair. I was panting hard from both arousal and adrenaline as I mouthed her neck fervently. She was chanting now, a desperate sound - choked between words and groans and her hips were raising to thrust both into my hand and my flesh. Her orgasm slammed into her suddenly and with a strangled cry, light burst from her skin as she tightened around me. I groaned her name and sunk my teeth into her shoulder as my own release hit me.

We lay panting, me still inside her and her legs still clamped around my waist. She was still murmuring, _Don’t stop_. The sound breathless and disjointed. I raised my head from her neck and kissed her mouth to stop her words. I carefully pushed her legs from my waist and pulled out of her, causing her to shudder. I lay down on my side, catching my breath as she sidled closer. Her arm snaked across my waist and she cradled her head into the space between my shoulder and neck. I arched my wing to bring back our cocoon of peace where the world couldn’t touch us.

We gazed at each other in the dark. Her skin, still softly aglow, illuminated our faces in silvery light. The panic was gone from her and I smiled with joy as her blue eyes once more held happiness and life within them. Feyre slowly smiled back, sending loving strokes down the bond and a quiet, _Thank you_. I traced patterns over her warm skin until she fell asleep.

Her breathing was soft against my chest but I remained awake. Staring at her and lightly tracing the outlines of her face.

I remembered with tenderness all the times now that she had pulled me out of my own darkness. I knew she was scared. How she dreaded that this new tragedy would forever haunt her thoughts, but I would be her pillar to lean on. Young and fragile as she was, I would carry her into the knowledge that time always heals. My experiences had taught me that essential truth. I kissed her forehead and she released a sigh, burying deeper. I still had trouble wrapping my head around how this wonderful soul could be mine. She was my sanctuary, my safe harbor, as I was to her.

I loved her so much. The force of it often threatened to sweep me away.

For now, I simply basked in the afterglow of us and followed her down the bond into a deep, restful sleep. A place of tranquility and warmth.

 

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> Well this was the angstiest (english pls) thing I’ve ever written. I’ve suffered from panic attacks before (they started in college) and I wouldn’t wish that kind of feeling on anyone. I recommend deep breathing exercises and meditation. And cat ownership.


End file.
